Death and Renewal

Dying! Fall certainly seems to be the time for it. They buried my ex-husband last week. His sister had called to tell me that he was in hospital and comatose a few days before he died. And I am not sure just what did him in, other than his drinking. I do know that he needed dialysis and that they couldn't find a vein that didn't collapse. It was a 'hard' death and I was sorry of that.

I really didn't think his death would affect me, but it did.

I was just nineteen when we married, and still that when our first son was born. He spent two tours in Vietnam, and I got an Outstanding Homefront Award from the President of the Great US of A. But at that age, in the '60s, it was too much time apart during very stressful times, and our marriage didn't last. He did give me a second beautiful son in between tours and my boys were my salvation for many years. Maybe we were just too young, but we certainly made beautiful kids.

After all was said and done, I did love him once. Or thought I did, anyway. I hated him for a few years, then I just felt sorry for him. Now I am glad that he is dead and at peace at last.

My oldest boy was killed four years ago in South Carolina, and I will always miss him. He was born on Halloween, and October was always special to me. Now, it is a 'hard' month that I struggle to get through. But I am very happy that he had found a lovely young girl to love and who loved him, and that his last few years had been happy ones.

My youngest, and now only, son grew into a strong, moral, hard-working man who is a real joy to me and just about everyone who knows him. He has a beautiful wife and two lovely daughters. He works too hard, but enjoys it, and he probably doesn't realize just how much I love him.

Today, another young woman died. This one of pancreatic cancer. She was the sister of my middle brother's wife and way too young for such a hard death. My sister-in-law is, of course, devastated and I really don't know how to console her. But I will try, somehow.